A New Day - YES, even at 4:45 PM

I've decided today, just right this very moment, that today IS a new day.  Today is a good day to make the changes that I need to make to get back to the old Deanna, the Deanna that was fun and happy and enjoyed life.  I've been sitting on the sidelines for way too long the past couple of years and I'm SICK of it.  I have a wonderful man in my life now, and I should not spend so much time feeling like the whole world is on my shoulders.  I want everyone around me to be happy, and it can't be any good for everyone that I love to see me always frowning or lost in my own sad and decaying thoughts.  I've been so down and moody and I know it's been hard on my family, especially Tom.  He worries about me, and he worries that he is the one causing my internalized issues, but he is the complete opposite of a problem for me.  He is the reason that I smile, he's the reason I laugh and enjoy anything these days.  If it weren't for him, I would truly be lost and miserable.  He's my rock, my lighthouse in the storm, my light at the end of the tunnel... he is everything positive that I need right now.  I am thankful every single second of every single day for him, and I hope that he believes me when I say that.  I don't ever want there to be doubt between us, not for the tiniest moment.  I want to be everything in a woman that he wants and needs, and none of the junk he doesn't like or doesn't find attractive.  I want there to be a close bond between us that is unbreakable, no matter what comes along.

I need to start looking at everything in my life with a more positive view, to stop seeing the negative in every little thing.  I always try to help other people think positive, why not help myself for once?  Tonight, I will go to work and do everything I can to make it a GOOD night at work and not automatically hate being there before we even drive into the parking lot.  I CAN do this, I know I can.  Maybe if I am in a good mood, it will rub off on other people too.  I want to smile and laugh again and enjoy what I do.

So, with my newfound need to be myself again, I am going for a run.  It makes me happy, it clears my mind and helps me work through things that weigh heavy on me.  Plus I need to lose those extra 10 pounds that came back over the past few months.  :)