So, as you could probably assume over the past year, I have had some stress and anxiety due to my husband of 10 years leaving me for whatever he left for. I do not know or care what his REAL reasons are or were, I just know that it was what was best for him at the time and that it benefitted both of us in the end, Financially, it really hurt me, not him. For the first 7 years of our relationship, I carried the financial burden on top of the household and every other burden. He worked and came home and played his games and I did all of everything else for him, my kids, and the household. I worked, for a few years I worked 2 jobs, got almost no sleep, and did everything for everyone in the household and got taken for granted for a very long time. That is the past, and I don't particularly care to discuss that other than to lay ground work or give facts that happened during that time.
The kids grew up, moved out and it was just he and I. He got a better job, making almost 3 times what I made and I guess he didn't need me any more. There was greener grass, and I do not blame him for gravitating toward it. I always knew it would happen. I am happy for him, and I only wish the very best for him. Am I resentful? A tiny bit of me is, because I stood by him during our darkest and hardest times, and when we made it through to the other side when there was nothing but us to worry about, he packed up and ran. He didn't NEED me any more. It, at the time, was a slap in the face. I've come to terms with it, and I am thankful he left, because I never would have left him. As a result, I would have continued to be unhappy even though I told myself I was happy then.
Now, I am thriving, in spite of everything I have been through. I HATE having a room mate because I need one to keep my house and still have money to live. Don't get me wrong, my roommate is a good one, I just am MUCH happier living alone. I am in a good place with my job, which I never would be in because I didn't allow myself to be promoted while I was with him. I have made new friends and reconnected with old friends that I couldn't before because of jealousy that was not warranted. I am finally living life, regardless of the circumstances and I am thriving because of that. I am grateful.
Last November, my first husband asked me to a comedy show and I said what the hell and I went. Since then, we have hung out together many times- even went on a short cruise- had some really good conversations, a lot of fun, and reconnected really well as friends. We spent almost 20 years as strangers, so this was a bit of a welcome surprise and quite unexpected for me.
Today, we had dinner and spent the evening just hanging out and talking. Today, May 12, was the date of what would have been our 33rd anniversary if we were still married. I don't know if he had that in mind at all, and I didn't ask about it. I did at one point say "happy anniversary" and honestly, I don't remember if he responded. All I know is that I am happy to have him back as my friend, because I never stopped loving him even though I ended our marriage because of what I needed back then, and I am glad to have him back in my life, even as only a friend.
I am happy. Anxious, yes. Stressed over money sometimes, yes. But happy with my life NOW, yes. I have gone outside of my comfort zone, and I am doing different things and experiencing things in a new light. Am I scared? Nope. I am looking forward to every single challenge that will be thrown my way, because I am weakless.
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